Peridot, Jasper, and Lapis visit IKEA
by Peridotible
Summary: Just take my garbage ok Trashfic, written for my friends birthday even though it's like a month late


Jasper had lost Lapis. She had known this would happen; what had made her think going to a multi story warehouse with the most immature and irresponsible gems in the galaxy was a good idea? At least she knew where Peridot was. She turned in time to see the technician disappear around a corner. She sighed deeply. Trying to keep these two in line was impossible. She set off after her.

Lapis had found a wireframe box containing fluffy materials. What were they? She lifted one from the crate and held it up. A large square of material, blue and covered in some sort of fur. Was it a cape? She wrapped it around her neck. If it was, it was too big for her. Still, she liked it. It was warm and comfortable, and so she traipsed off to look for more interesting human objects.

Peridot had found a trolley and was stacking it high with any objects that caught her eye. Jasper looked at the pile, including a lava lamp, a pair of slippers, and an extra extra small shirt with the words "world's best mechanic" emblazoned on the front. The tiny gem could barely see over the top of the trolley, and she was only narrowly avoiding crashing. "Move, human woman!" She screeched. "I'm trying to get through!" A woman with a baby had her trolley blocking the aisle Peridot was attempting to get into.

The woman scowled at Peridot and turned to Jasper. "Would you keep your child under control?" She barked. Jasper frowned.

"I wish I could." She muttered.

Lapis had found some sort of animal, but it appeared to be asleep. It was small and fluffy with glassy eyes. She picked it up, and was overwhelmed by how soft it was. She gave it a gentle hug and decided to take it with her. She didn't know where Peridot and Jasper had gone, but she knew Jasper would find her eventually, so she kept walking with her new pet and cape.

"Coming through, humans!" Peridot yelled. The pile of objects she'd stacked in the trolley was now taller than her and teetering dangerously. That didn't stop her from pushing the trolley as fast as she could, however. Jasper watched as she turned a corner too fast and clutter fell from the trolley like an avalanche. She saw Lapis out of the corner of her eye. She appeared to be wearing a blue blanket like a cape and holding a stuffed toy. Before she could call to her, Lapis had disappeared again, going up a set of stairs. She turned to try and signal to Peridot to follow her, but it appeared she'd managed to roll the trolley, for it was upside down and Peridot was covered in random human trinkets. Jasper stared at the chaos and decided she needed a break.

Peridot decided maybe she'd collected too much furniture and so left most of her collected junk where it had fallen after her crash. She pulled the "world's best mechanic" shirt over her head and grabbed the lava lamp, sticking her feet in the slippers as she passed. She was unsure of the whereabouts of Lapis and Jasper, and she suddenly felt quite alone. Maybe she shouldn't have gone so crazy with the trolley. She looked up and saw a sign saying "lost children - this way" and an arrow. She wasn't a child, but she was definitely lost. Clutching her lamp, she walked in the direction of the arrow.

Jasper had followed Lapis up the stairs and was now in a big room. While the previous floor had been split into displays and rooms, this room was open plan, filled with shelves and boxes. She couldn't see Lapis anywhere though. She decided to try going up another floor. She reached the top of the staircase and found herself in a large chamber filled with humans shovelling objects into their mouths. More humans were stood in a line, progressing slowly towards a counter. Jasper looked around her, confused about what to do next. The other humans seemed to be joining the back of the line, so she followed them.

Lapis had found a moving staircase. She didn't know how it worked, but it was fun to climb it. As she stepped off when she reached the top, she gave an exclamation of surprise as she was jerked back. Her cape had become caught in the moving stairs and they had stopped suddenly. A loud whirring noise began and black smoke began emanating from the machine. Her eyes widened and she dropped the cape and ran away.

Peridot had reached the lost child centre. She was currently having a conversation with a human man in a blue uniform. "I just want to make an announcement to find Jasper, and then I won't have any further need for your services." She said.

"Ok, what's your name?" The man asked. "We'll make an announcement and find your mum, don't worry."

I am Peridot, facet 2F5L cut 5XG." Peridot replied.

The man looked confused. "But, erm, what's your surname?" Peridot looked confused. The man looked confused. "It might be easier if you make the announcement," he said, offering her the microphone. "Just press this button, you can speak to the entire store."

Jasper was nearing the start of the line. The desk was right in front of her, and the human man ahead of her in the line moved on. Jasper walked up to the desk. The human behind the counter seemed smaller than most other humans Jasper had encountered, maybe an adolescent, and she loomed over him. "Er, hello?" The human said, his eyes wide.

Jasper stared at the human. The human stared back. "Er, what do you want to order?" Jasper furrowed her brows. "Pick a food? Off the menu?"

Jasper looked at where the human was indicating, a board above her head. Hot dog? What was that? She had thought dogs were pets. Were they food too? She scanned the board. She didn't recognise any of the names. "Meat... Balls?" She asked. At least that was a fairly understandable name. Balls of protein. The human handed a tray over the counter. "Wait here, please." He disappeared behind the counter and reappeared with a plate full of some kind of food. He placed it on her tray. Jasper waited. The human stared. Jasper stared. The human stared back. "You have to pay," the human said. Jasper had been told about this custom by Steven. She had to exchange slips of paper for goods or services. She placed a handful of bills on the desk. "What now, human?"

"You can go," the human said, looking relieved. Jasper took the tray and stepped backwards. She followed the humans with trays round the side. What was happening? Why had she even joined this queue? She watched as the humans sat down at tables. She picked a table of her own, near a balcony overlooking the stairs she'd climbed up. She stared at the food. Humans ingested their nourishment through their mouths, right?

She picked one ball up between her fingers and inspected it. Just as she was about to place it in her mouth as she had seen the humans doing, Lapis sidled up to her table and took a seat. "Heyyyy, Jasp," she smiled. Jasper looked at her and furrowed her brows. Lapis looked... Guilty.

"What did you do," Jasper said. A deadpan statement rather than a question. She watched as Lapis' eyes flicked to the balcony and back.

"Nothing!" She said. "I had nothing to do with it."

Jasper peered over the balcony, where it appeared one of the moving staircases was smoking. Many humans were gathered around the base, where the smoke originated from. "Did you do that?" She asked. Lapis' guilty look intensified. Jasper sighed a deep sigh. "For the love of..."

Just at that moment, the intercom cut across their conversation. A nasally voice Jasper instantly recognised rang out.

"Jasper, you can come pick me up at the lost child centre. Hurry up, please," Peridot said into the microphone. She sat back down into her red plastic kiddy chair. The man had given her a sweet orb on a stick, what he called a lollipop. She stuck it back in her mouth and sucked it. The sticker he'd given her was stuck on her chest. It depicted a crying green orb. She'd recognised it as an apple. Steven had given her one and she hadn't liked it; she'd preferred sweets such as the orb she was sucking now. She sat back and awaited Jasper's arrival.

Jasper pushed the door open. By now, she was thoroughly sick of spending time with the two gems. She lived with them and she loved them both but they could be incredibly frustrating.

A man ran up to her. "Ma'am, you can't just walk in..." She pushed him aside.

"Peridot, we're leaving." The tiny green gem stood.

"Finally." She said. "It's about time you got here, Jasper. And you managed to get Lazuli to actually follow you?"

"Come on," Jasper said. "It's time to go home."

"I didn't even get any new furniture," Peridot said.

"It's too late now. I'm sick of running around after you two," Jasper replied. She placed her hands under Peridot's arms and lifted her. Peridot didn't struggle, used to being lifted in such a way. She was placed on Jasper's broad, muscular shoulder. Lapis was picked up and held in Jasper's arms, and like that the three of them made their way to the exit.

Ugh I'm not very happy with this but just,,, just take it


End file.
